{"id":859,"date":"2021-01-07T08:57:32","date_gmt":"2021-01-07T15:57:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/amblesideschools.org\/?p=859"},"modified":"2025-10-20T12:41:02","modified_gmt":"2025-10-20T16:41:02","slug":"calming-the-troubled-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/amblesideschools.org\/calming-the-troubled-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"Calming\u00a0The Troubled Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wpb-content-wrapper\"><p>[vc_row full_width=&#8221;stretch_row_content&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;true&#8221; custom_padding_t=&#8221;30&#8243; custom_padding_b=&#8221;30&#8243; row_hide_sm=&#8221;yes&#8221; row_hide_md=&#8221;yes&#8221; row_hide_xs=&#8221;yes&#8221; css=&#8221;.vc_custom_1630864580219{background-color: #faf5eb !important;}&#8221;][vc_column]<div class=\"templatera_shortcode\"><div class=\"container-fluid row_section vc_row_cp_lr_15 vc_row_cp_t_0 vc_row_cp_b_0\"><div  class=\"vc_row wpb_row vc_row-fluid vc_column-gap-15 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Mason<\/a><\/span><\/h5><\/div><div class=\"vc_empty_space  vc_empty_space_3\"   style=\"height: 10px\" ><span class=\"vc_empty_space_inner\"><\/span><\/div>\r\n<div class=\"vc_custom_heading vc_custom_heading_6953b35606135833684836\" ><h5 style=\"font-size: 17px;color: #000000;text-align: left\"><span class=\"hilight\"  ><a href=\"https:\/\/amblesideschools.org\/blog\/\">Articles<\/a><\/span><\/h5><\/div><div class=\"vc_empty_space  vc_empty_space_4\"   style=\"height: 10px\" ><span class=\"vc_empty_space_inner\"><\/span><\/div>\r\n<div class=\"vc_custom_heading vc_custom_heading_6953b3560628a004621034\" ><h5 style=\"font-size: 17px;color: #000000;text-align: left\"><span class=\"hilight\"  ><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amblesideschools.com\/main\/educator-support\" target=\"_blank\">Members<\/a><\/span><\/h5><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>[\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][\/vc_column][vc_column width=&#8221;3\/4&#8243;][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n<h4><a href=\"https:\/\/amblesideschools.org\/blog\/\"><span style=\"color: #003865;\">&gt; Return to Blog Posts<\/span><\/a><\/h4>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=&#8221;30&#8243;][vc_custom_heading text=&#8221;Calming the Troubled Heart&#8221; use_theme_fonts=&#8221;yes&#8221; font_container=&#8221;tag:h1|font_size:30|text_align:left|color:%23020202&#8243;][vc_empty_space height=&#8221;15&#8243;][vc_separator width_in_percentages=&#8221;yes&#8221;][vc_empty_space height=&#8221;30&#8243;][vc_column_text]<span data-contrast=\"auto\">We humans are destined to live in troubled times.\u00a0As\u00a0novelist and screenwriter\u00a0William Goldman\u00a0so eloquently puts it\u00a0in\u00a0<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The Princess Bride,<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u201cLife is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.\u201d\u00a0Goldman echoes\u00a0the words of Jesus, who\u00a0made\u00a0this\u00a0clear to\u00a0His followers,\u00a0\u201cIn this world,\u00a0you will have tribulation.\u201d<\/span><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u00a0Anyone who is paying attention knows this to be true.\u00a0Trouble, sometimes more, sometimes less, is the norm,\u00a0not the exception.\u00a0The sooner one comes to accept this,\u00a0the happier he or she\u00a0will\u00a0be.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The\u00a0church\u00a0has\u00a0always\u00a0taught,\u00a0and\u00a0I have come to see\u00a0it as true,\u00a0that\u00a0in troubled times, the primary problems are\u00a0inevitably\u00a0troubled,\u00a0disordered\u00a0hearts.\u00a0In no way do I deny that troubles are real\u00a0(they are), that they are often quite serious (they are),\u00a0and that they need to be addressed (they\u00a0often\u00a0but\u00a0not always\u00a0do).\u00a0Indeed, every man, every woman is called to do what he or she can to alleviate the groanings of the world.\u00a0I only suggest that\u00a0when\u00a0our\u00a0heart\u00a0is troubled, we\u00a0are not very good at making\u00a0things\u00a0better,\u00a0be it at home, at school, or in the public arena. Troubled hearts\u00a0always\u00a0tend\u00a0toward\u00a0paralysis\u00a0and\u00a0polarization.\u00a0There are\u00a0neurological reasons for this:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">First, a brain that is negative, neutral or stressed is about thirty percent less efficient than a joyful or peaceful brain.\u00a0In other words, troubled brains\u00a0are primed to\u00a0make bad\u00a0decisions.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Second, when troubled\u00a0and unsure how to get out of the trouble,\u00a0the\u00a0brain\u2019s\u00a0relational circuits\u00a0begin to\u00a0shut down.\u00a0These networks of neurons are the brain structures that allow us to accurately read the minds\u00a0of others\u00a0and empathize.\u00a0When they shut down, we are flying blind,\u00a0unbeknownst to\u00a0ourselves.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Third,\u00a0when our relational circuits start shutting down,\u00a0as things get more distressing and we feel more alone,\u00a0we\u00a0start\u00a0to\u00a0lose\u00a0the executive function of our frontal lobes. When this happens,\u00a0the so-called reptilian brain starts to call the\u00a0shots, and we\u00a0are left with the options of fight, flight or freeze.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Fourth, for humans, confirmation bias, the tendency to believe anything that supports what we already believe and disbelieve anything to the contrary, becomes a vicious cycle. Our brains would rather not have their existing neural networks challenged. In a troubled brain state, this bias increases. The more troubled the brain, the greater the cognitive rigidity and the confirmation bias.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Finally,\u00a0as a protective measure,\u00a0when relational circuits are down,\u00a0we tend to\u00a0imagine the worst\u00a0outcomes\u00a0and\u00a0cannot\u00a0be persuaded otherwise, leading us down an aimless path, which supports and increases our distress.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">To some degree, we have all experienced\u00a0such\u00a0troubled\u00a0hearts.\u00a0They are\u00a0bleak\u00a0at\u00a0the least,\u00a0and at\u00a0their\u00a0worst,\u00a0overwhelm\u00a0us\u00a0with\u00a0a pervasive hopelessness, despair and loneliness.\u00a0At\u00a0the moment,\u00a0it all\u00a0seems so undeniably real. Such times are not\u00a0good\u00a0for making\u00a0decisions. Yet, in\u00a0troubled\u00a0states, one wants\u00a0desperately\u00a0either\u00a0to despair and\u00a0quit,\u00a0or to\u00a0do\u00a0<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">something<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">.\u00a0But what?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In the simplest troubles\u00a0\u2013\u00a0for example, if\u00a0one\u2019s heart is troubled by\u00a0a\u00a0leaky\u00a0faucet\u00a0\u2013\u00a0the trouble\u00a0may be resolved\u00a0by fixing the faucet.\u00a0But, if\u00a0one\u2019s heart is troubled by\u00a0some peccadillo of\u00a0a\u00a0spouse,\u00a0it\u00a0is\u00a0extremely unlikely\u00a0the trouble\u00a0will\u00a0be\u00a0resolved\u00a0by fixing\u00a0the spouse.\u00a0Seeking to\u00a0cure a troubled heart by\u00a0managing\u00a0and\u00a0controlling\u00a0others or\u00a0circumstances is an\u00a0illusion, an\u00a0alluring fantasy\u00a0doomed to fail. Equally vain is the attempt to\u00a0cure a troubled heart by obsessively\u00a0ruminating over\u00a0all that\u00a0is wrong\u00a0with\u00a0persons\u00a0and\u00a0circumstances, even to the point of\u00a0extending\u00a0the complaint\u00a0globally to the world at large!<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">What,\u00a0then,\u00a0is to be done?\u00a0\u00a0If we are\u00a0to\u00a0address the troubles in our homes, in our schools, in our businesses, in our cities and in our country, we must\u00a0first\u00a0address our own troubled hearts. But how?\u00a0In what follows,\u00a0I do not mean to suggest an easy, quick fix, only\u00a0to propose\u00a0a\u00a0few\u00a0important principles. Deep wounds can take a long time to heal. Relatively minor wounds can fester and become infected, particularly if they mirror earlier wounds. While change can come quickly, in my experience it\u00a0usually takes time, often a great deal of time, which seems a real downer.\u00a0To some measure, it is\u00a0for all of us\u00a0a long pursuit.\u00a0But what is the alternative?\u00a0We move forward, or we regress back.\u00a0Given that we never fully comprehend the depth of someone\u2019s journey, even our own,\u00a0we\u00a0never\u00a0condemn a person for their place\u00a0on the\u00a0road. If we do, we become part of the problem, rather than part of the solution.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">When one\u2019s heart becomes troubled, stays troubled,\u00a0and is unable to get untroubled, the brain has encountered a\u00a0trouble bigger than it knows how to process.\u00a0As a general rule, what troubles us today troubled us yesterday and has the potential to trouble us tomorrow. Growth is a process of perseverance over time. Again,\u00a0I do not mean to suggest an easy, quick fix. Recovering from a troubled heart\u00a0is often\u00a0a long and difficult journey. What I do want to suggest is that we are not designed to make that journey alone. There\u00a0is nothing more\u00a0painful\u00a0than\u00a0being alone with a deeply troubled heart.\u00a0When no one knows me, no one gets me, my heart screams or turns to stone.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">What we all desperately need is\u00a0someone who will:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">See\u00a0what\u00a0our\u00a0troubled heart is seeing<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">. It does not require agreement regarding the right or wrong of what is seen.\u00a0To use a simple example of teacher with student,\u00a0\u201cI can see that there is a lot of work to be done here, and you think you can\u2019t\u00a0get it all done.\u00a0Tell me about that.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Empathize, enter into and reflect back, both verbally and nonverbally, what\u00a0our\u00a0troubled heart is feeling<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">.\u00a0\u201cThis amount of work feels overwhelming. How would you describe\u00a0the\u00a0feeling of\u00a0overwhelm?\u00a0How big is it? I usually feel overwhelmed\u00a0in my stomach, shoulders and face. Where\u00a0do you feel it?\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Recognize\u00a0that which\u00a0is relationally,\u00a0psychologically\u00a0and spiritually damaging\u00a0(what the Bible calls sin) and\u00a0name it\u00a0without condemnation.\u00a0<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u201cYou seem desperately concerned about doing better than everyone else. That is not good for your heart,\u00a0and\u00a0no one wants\u00a0this\u00a0kind of turmoil\u00a0for you, especially our Father.\u00a0Is there anything I can do to help you let go of the anxious desire to\u00a0best\u00a0all others?\u00a0Could we ask God to help you let it go?\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Facilitate\u00a0our\u00a0appreciation and thanksgiving<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">.\u00a0\u201cIt seems that\u00a0for a while now\u00a0your attention light\u00a0has been\u00a0focused on that which\u00a0overwhelms.\u00a0For a few moments,\u00a0would you be willing to give your troubled heart a break by\u00a0remembering and giving attention to a time, place, person or thing\u00a0for which you felt appreciation and\u00a0thankfulness?\u00a0Describe this time.\u00a0How would you describe the feeling of appreciation?\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"13\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Give\u00a0us\u00a0the gift of sacred presence<\/span><\/b><span data-contrast=\"auto\">.\u00a0Sacred presence\u00a0is\u00a0a way of being\u00a0with another\u00a0that is\u00a0difficult to describe.\u00a0Best to remember a time and a place when your heart was\u00a0troubled\u00a0and someone was truly present. What was\u00a0it\u00a0like? What would it be like to be so present to another?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">We are meant to\u00a0support\u00a0one another along the way, to bear one another\u2019s burdens, to ease\u00a0troubled hearts.\u00a0We need parents\u00a0to\u00a0do this\u00a0for children, teachers for students, friends for\u00a0one another, husbands for wives and wives for husbands.\u00a0The more skilled we become at doing these, the less troubled will be the hearts of our children, teachers, friends, husbands and wives.\u00a0And yet,\u00a0there is a still\u00a0another\u00a0way.\u00a0Not better so as to replace,\u00a0but to amplify, augment, raise to\u00a0a\u00a0greater fullness.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Jesus said to her, \u201cEveryone who drinks of this water [from the well] will be thirsty again,\u202f<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring\u00a0of water gushing up to eternal life.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">For many, these are just words, but to those who have learned to drink, they are life.\u00a0If a caring,\u00a0mature human person can bring peace to the troubled heart,\u00a0how much more the God and Father of our hearts?\u00a0\u00a0But, like all forms of intimacy,\u00a0to\u00a0drink spiritual life is a learned skill.\u00a0While at times God breaks into a troubled heart with overwhelming grace, the norm is that His grace beckons us to pursue, to hunger and thirst for Him.\u00a0There are many ways of\u00a0learning and practicing the skill of intimacy with God.\u00a0Two such practices are\u00a0<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lectio Divina\u00a0<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"auto\">and devotional journaling.\u00a0Like human relations, intimacy with God requires the cultivation of certain skills. These skills take practice.\u00a0As a rule, the skills of spiritual intimacy\u00a0are best\u00a0practiced and learned in times of\u00a0relative\u00a0peace. The skills will then be in place when\u00a0the\u00a0troubles come.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">One of the great \u201ctrouble\u201d multipliers is the illusion of a quick and simple fix. We must not expect it. The most significant\u00a0balm for the soul is \u201cYou are not alone.\u201d<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Finally, if while still young, a person learns the skills of recovering from a troubled heart, he or she will be much better prepared for facing the troubles\u00a0that\u00a0life\u00a0inevitably\u00a0brings.\u00a0Learning such skills are an essential part of an Ambleside education.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:6,&quot;335551620&quot;:6,&quot;335559738&quot;:120,&quot;335559739&quot;:120}\">\u00a0<\/span>[\/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=&#8221;30&#8243;][vc_raw_html]JTVCeWFycHAlNUQ=[\/vc_raw_html][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If while young a person learns skills to recover from a troubled heart, they will be better prepared to face the troubles\u00a0life\u00a0brings.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":861,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[184,120,129,229,228],"class_list":["post-859","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bill-st-cyr","tag-brain","tag-growth","tag-jesus","tag-neuroscience","tag-troubled-hearts"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - 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